Maybe it’s because I’m too much of a Libra, but when I find myself holding others to certain standards, I try to stop and think if and how I’m holding myself to those same standards, both within my relationship to myself and within my relationship to others.
When learning about love and dating through your birth chart you can get insights on the kind of people you attract into your life and the dynamics that play out, and ultimately you’re learning about yourself. Because relationships can transform or end, but you will always have you. We all want love, we all want to be chosen, but are you brave enough to radically love, accept and choose yourself?
As we go into the key components of the chart that rule certain aspects of dating life, we’re actually going into how we can choose to be in the practice of love. The practice of love has so much to do with self-understanding, with being patient and kind to ourselves, with recognizing how challenging this can be at times, and holding space for that.
Similar to when we exercise to make our body more flexible, doing the splits takes time, consistency, awareness, deep breaths and spaciousness, and so does self-love and devotion, it can’t happen all at once. The deeper we can go into this, the deeper we can go into love, devotion and intimacy with others.
Don’t believe when they say that one has to be fully cured or that one has to fully love and accept oneself in order to be in relationship. This makes no sense, this is a very capitalist way of thinking, of focusing on the objective instead of the lived experience.
We’re here to live life, to learn, to grow, to love, no person is perfect, no person is in full acceptance of their self. We really are in this together, and it is in relationship, through mirroring ourselves and merging our energies that we can see into ourself more deeply and transform.
The other day I was in bed hugging my pillow with a deep desire to feel warmth emanating from this embrace, and it came to me that even if I accomplish all of my professional goals, and certain life milestones like having the house and the commodities that can come from earning a dignified living, I would still feel this need to hold and held, I would still be in the same place emotionally.
That’s when I realized that professional goals and life plans have to be balanced out with emotional goals. Because you can even get married and have kids and not be sure about what you want and need in order to feel emotional security within your home, your relationship and the family you’re creating. After a couple of weeks of processing this alone and with friends, I adopted a kitty, and now I also have a clearer sense of the conversations, the boundaries and the intentions I want to have when going into a relationship.
Now, let’s get into the components of the birth chart that are key when taking a look into our love life. There’s Venus, the planet that rules love and beauty; Mars, the planet that rules sex and desire; the 7th house, the area of the chart where we open ourselves up to another and create one-on-one connections and commitments; and the 5th house, the area of our chart that has to do with romance, love affairs and our passions.
Venus
Venus speaks to our capacity to give and receive love, our values, our approach to partnership, and our desire to find balance and harmony within our connections. It holds our desire to thrive in a relationship and our fears of failing in it. It speaks to our concerns and the stories that inhabit us when it comes to intimacy, connection and separation. Venus also holds our desires to be seen, heard, held and cherished. As Venus represents our values, it speaks to what we prioritize in relationships.
Venus’ sign, the house it’s in and its aspects to other planets can tell us so much about our attraction to others and the qualities we find appealing in a partner. It can help us understand how we foster emotional connection and intimacy, how we nurture our loved ones, our romantic gestures and love languages, how we communicate and express love and affection, and what is most meaningful for us when forming bonds.
Understanding your Venus placements and that of your partner can shed light on each other’s needs, values, desires and expectations. It can also tell you about the magnetism and chemistry that exists between the two. Looking into how both of your Venus’ placements connect can help you navigate potential conflicts, understand what each other needs in order to feel emotionally safe, and find ways to align values in order to create a mutually supportive and fulfilling partnership.
Mars
Mars, the planet of action and desire, can help us understand how we navigate dating life as it speaks to the kind of partners we’re attracted to and the ones who are attracted to us. Mars informs us about our sex drive, what we like and what turns us on.
Mars’ sign, the house it’s in and its aspects to other planets can tell us about our assertiveness in romantic connections, how we pursue our desires and if we take the lead in relationships or wait for the other person to do so. It informs us about our initiative or lack thereof, our impulses, how we move forward, how we’d like to act if there was nothing holding us back, and what we’re too afraid to do.
Understanding the Mars energy of both skymates can inform your physical compatibility, and help create a richer sexual connection and deeper intimacy.
As Mars is also about competition, it can show us how we face conflict and arguments, our need to win vs our need to come to a resolution, our need to stand up for ourselves vs our need to stand up for the relationships.
5th house
The fifth house is the house of pleasure, fun, romance and fantasy. It speaks to how we like to be loved, feel cared for and seen. It represents that aspect of a connection that’s exciting, light, and playful. So, it speaks more about our dating life than about the moment we decide to form a relationship, that territory belongs to the seventh house.
The fifth house talks about how we are as lovers and focuses more on the initial stage of excitement —the sparks and butterflies— than about how we are as partners. Although when in partnership, it does speak to the aspect of sex, passion and novelty within the relationship. This is where we can release energies that may build up in other areas of our love life.
The sign that the fifth house is in, its ruler and the planets that may fall within it can tell us about our charm, our flirt game, if we’re out there when it comes to connecting with others, or if we’re more shy and reserved. It can also tell us about our love affairs, the people we’re attracted to, the ones that light our fire, the ones we laugh and have fun with, the ones that make us feel free, alive and sexy.
The things we’re compatible with in this area of our life, may clash with the things we’re compatible with or are looking for in more committed and long-term relationships. This is why we can have very fun and passionate affairs, but with people that we know will never lead to something more serious.
7th house
The 7th house has to do with any form of union, association, alliance or partnership that two or more skymates decide to form together. This is the house where we come together with another in marriage, business, or platonic friendship. It speaks to how we want to be mirrored and by whom. It’s about one-on-one connections and where serious relationships are experienced in the chart.
The seventh house deals more with the day-to-day matters that are shared, like how we relate and get along, the roles that are played, and plans for the future. This house is about finding balance, and learning to be good partners and friends.
The sign that the seventh house is in, its ruler and the planets that may fall within it speak to what you look for long-term, what you look for in the person you wish to share your life with. It’s not so much about passion, but a deeper, calmer, more mirroring and stable kind of love. It describes the energy that your partner must bring to the relationship in order to form a successful and stable long-term partnership with you. Looking at your seventh house can help you understand which traits a person must hold in order to complement you.
These are only the main components that speak to our love life, there are other placements within the chart that can complement the overall view of what we need in order to come together with someone and to feel safe and loved.
The Moon is our emotional world; it’s what offers us emotional security, and it speaks to the kind of home and family we want to have. Saturn speaks to what we’re committed to and how we tend to go about our commitments. The North Node is our life direction. The 8th house is where we merge with another, where love and passion come together.
Our birth charts can bring so much insight into our love life, what we’ve gone through and how we wish to move forward, but I want to remind you that nothing in the birth chart is ever an excuse to stay in a toxic, violent or dangerous relationship. It can give us clues to things like why we stayed there so long or why we weren’t able to see the first signs. But never let anyone use it as an excuse to make you stay or to make you think that it is your fault that this happened to you. What a birth chart can do is point to the strengths that can help you break free from these types of bonds and come deeper into your power and your love.
I want to leave you with this article [There Are More than 5 Love Languages](https://psiloveyou.xyz/there-are-more-than-5-love-languages-a13deb64f52e). The list of five has always seemed so limited to me, I loved coming into contact with people that are arguing that our expression of love is so much more than that.
Ready to turn reflection into action? If you’re craving clarity around your Venus/Mars, 5th–7th house dynamics, or the emotional patterns your Moon and Saturn are weaving, book a 1:1 Astro Consultation with a KTZ astrologer. We’ll read your chart together, set compassionate intentions, and leave you with practical next steps for love, boundaries, and devotion. Reserve your session: https://knowthezodiac.com/shop/astro-consultation/
